A Soothing Balm
“Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson
The past 3 weeks, to a large extent have been about me, my, and I. With the husband, son and mother-in-law gone to US; my daughter and I form our twosome family in Bangalore. Meera is at school from 8 am to 3:30 pm and during this time I am my sole companion. I don’t remember ever having so much uninterrupted time just to myself.
In the beginning, I was really not looking forward to this solitude. I feared boredom, restlessness, pensiveness and sheer loneliness. I was emotionally strung about my son’s going to UC Berkeley because I felt he had grown-up too quickly.
In reality these days have been a one of a kind sojourn. Solitude stills the mind. Stillness clears it. My mind refuses to entertain a hide and seek game with my thoughts anymore. It disallows me to tell myself, “Oh! I don’t have the time for this right now”. It takes the restlessness out of the system and coaxes one to bring to forefront the questions, issues, thoughts that had been lurking in various corners of the mind. I deal with them one at a time, at my own pace, with my own logic, without any defenses, and revel in the cathartic experience.
Many a times I do not speak for 7 or more hours and even such short periods give me a new appreciation of ‘Vipassana’ and ‘maun vrat’ (a vow of silence). It seems as if I literally see time pass by; I am here yet, I am not here. Well, I could also say, “There is no distraction, therefore I am completely here”. :-)
I have not been able to resolve all those lurking issues that fed my restiveness. However after having faced them calmly, I am more comfortable accepting them in whatever unsettled stage they are. Solitude has brought rest to the restlessness.
Needless to say, I still look forward to 3:30 pm when my chirpy daughter is back from school. She fills me in about her day at a speed that makes up for the silence in my life. Having enjoyed the calm earlier, I thoroughly relish the excitement that she brings home.
The past 3 weeks, to a large extent have been about me, my, and I. With the husband, son and mother-in-law gone to US; my daughter and I form our twosome family in Bangalore. Meera is at school from 8 am to 3:30 pm and during this time I am my sole companion. I don’t remember ever having so much uninterrupted time just to myself.
In the beginning, I was really not looking forward to this solitude. I feared boredom, restlessness, pensiveness and sheer loneliness. I was emotionally strung about my son’s going to UC Berkeley because I felt he had grown-up too quickly.
In reality these days have been a one of a kind sojourn. Solitude stills the mind. Stillness clears it. My mind refuses to entertain a hide and seek game with my thoughts anymore. It disallows me to tell myself, “Oh! I don’t have the time for this right now”. It takes the restlessness out of the system and coaxes one to bring to forefront the questions, issues, thoughts that had been lurking in various corners of the mind. I deal with them one at a time, at my own pace, with my own logic, without any defenses, and revel in the cathartic experience.
Many a times I do not speak for 7 or more hours and even such short periods give me a new appreciation of ‘Vipassana’ and ‘maun vrat’ (a vow of silence). It seems as if I literally see time pass by; I am here yet, I am not here. Well, I could also say, “There is no distraction, therefore I am completely here”. :-)
I have not been able to resolve all those lurking issues that fed my restiveness. However after having faced them calmly, I am more comfortable accepting them in whatever unsettled stage they are. Solitude has brought rest to the restlessness.
Needless to say, I still look forward to 3:30 pm when my chirpy daughter is back from school. She fills me in about her day at a speed that makes up for the silence in my life. Having enjoyed the calm earlier, I thoroughly relish the excitement that she brings home.
posted by Anu at
4:43 PM
4 Comments:
Lovely, Anu. Are weekends qualitatively any different? And during the day, are there easy exchanges with neighbours? (With the 'u', since these are presumably Indian neighbours!)
Giri, the difference here is that there are a fewer number of neighbours (yes, with a 'u') but you get to know them better. It seems like morning and evening almost everyone is out walking, biking, swimming, so quite a bit of interaction does take place.
I think, we all need to actively paticipate listening to the music of the silence. One of the ways to enjoy this is to regularly spend some time meditating.
So, let's not wait-
let's meditate
in 2008.
Ram
Hello Sister!
Yes, in the truest of the sense, we are definitely sisters! I have waited patiently for over 10 years for you to attain this stage of your life and you are thrilling me with your musings.
No doubt your Third Eye must be aching from all this use. But do know that this is what it is meant for and this is why you went to India, in my opinion even though you would still be at the same place if you had not gone. Linda
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