If only I could hear, what I deem as meant for me, nothing less, and nothing more!

Have you ever wished for the ability to close your eyes and in effect close your ears as well? The ability to stop the constant cacophony, to hit the mute button on all electronic devices, to zip the lips of people around you, to soundproof your tympanic membrane . . .

My recent round trip from Bangalore to Dehradun left me wanting to move to a city where sign-language was the law.   The ordeal started with the 6 am airport bus.   The radio blared songs.   These were interspersed with a very peppy DJ ensuring that the listeners were paying attention and with advertisements of sexy wardrobes capable of changing my life, apartments that could make my home heavenly, grocery store prices that could double my purchasing power.   Wow! What else could one ask for?

Well, the two fellow travelers behind me ensured that the 1 hour trip thoroughly enlightened me on the architecture of their under-construction houses, how the grills would be hidden to show off the floor to ceiling windows, the balcony door would have a metal plate sandwiched between the wood, the roof-top garden would be waterproofed, the drop down ladder from the attic could be widened so their wives could access the attic as well, etc, etc.  

The cell phone of my vivacious neighbor to the left had a ring tone of a child wailing on the top of his lungs.   I am sure she could win a popularity contest hands-down because her phone rang every 1-2 minutes.   Of course, there were at least 7-8 other cell phones with distinct ring tones ringing melodiously at various intervals as well.   The gentleman in front of me was ragging a junior at this unearthly hour; telling him how to handle the next client to clinch the contract.   I had selected a seat right under the TV screen thinking that I would be able to see straight out the front window of the bus without an onslaught from the movie that was playing.   I forgot out of sight does not mean out of ears as well.  

What amazed me was the ability of my ears to decipher each and every sound byte and feel the assimilated information pounding in my head.   Would technology ever advance to a stage where two conversing people would do so at a wave length privy just to them? Where my cell phone ring would be heard by no one but me? Where I could tune in or tune out of the radios dispensing information to the public? Where separations in the acoustic spectrum would ensure that one person’s music does not become another person’s noise?

I turned to my co passenger- my daughter, to share my marvelous vision of the future.   My voice at varying decibels had no auditory impact on her.   With her eyes closed, she certainly was tuned out, at peace, at rest, enjoying.   I decided not to intrude upon her reverie.   To make my wait for science’s leap towards noise-free living less inaudible, I realized, I just needed to follow my daughter’s route- purchase a set of head-phones and use them. Except that I would do so without a MP3 attached to the other end.

A Soothing Balm

“Let us be silent, that we may hear the whispers of the gods.” - Ralph Waldo Emerson

The past 3 weeks, to a large extent have been about me, my, and I.   With the husband, son and mother-in-law gone to US; my daughter and I form our twosome family in Bangalore.   Meera is at school from 8 am to 3:30 pm and during this time I am my sole companion.   I don’t remember ever having so much uninterrupted time just to myself.

In the beginning, I was really not looking forward to this solitude.   I feared boredom, restlessness, pensiveness and sheer loneliness.   I was emotionally strung about my son’s going to UC Berkeley because I felt he had grown-up too quickly.

In reality these days have been a one of a kind sojourn.   Solitude stills the mind.   Stillness clears it.   My mind refuses to entertain a hide and seek game with my thoughts anymore. It disallows me to tell myself, “Oh! I don’t have the time for this right now”.   It takes the restlessness out of the system and coaxes one to bring to forefront the questions, issues, thoughts that had been lurking in various corners of the mind.   I deal with them one at a time, at my own pace, with my own logic, without any defenses, and revel in the cathartic experience.

Many a times I do not speak for 7 or more hours and even such short periods give me a new appreciation of ‘Vipassana’ and ‘maun vrat’ (a vow of silence).   It seems as if I literally see time pass by; I am here yet, I am not here.   Well, I could also say, “There is no distraction, therefore I am completely here”.   :-)

I have not been able to resolve all those lurking issues that fed my restiveness.   However after having faced them calmly, I am more comfortable accepting them in whatever unsettled stage they are.   Solitude has brought rest to the restlessness.

Needless to say, I still look forward to 3:30 pm when my chirpy daughter is back from school.   She fills me in about her day at a speed that makes up for the silence in my life.   Having enjoyed the calm earlier, I thoroughly relish the excitement that she brings home.